The Drinking Girl’s Guide to Hell: Resurrection Infection!!!


jesus cat

So today we find out if Jesus sees his shadow and goes back into his cave for six more weeks of winter. Personally, I’m all for it, especially after getting a little overzealous with my DIY rust-oleum facial peel last night. Nothing that a little outpatient baby skin transplant wouldn’t cure. Of course, now that the FBI crime scene investigation unit has sealed off my next-door neighbor’s day care, my source has dried up.

No matter. Jesus had something or other to say about lepers, probably along the lines of “Here, wearest thou this polar bear ski mask to the grocery store again and if anyone looks at you funny tell them that thou art beloved above all single middle-aged women by thine cats, and that’s plenty good enough for thou!”

Still, why ask for trouble? Even if it means having to dip into the emergency stash of Ol’ Grandad-flavored schnapps that made you so nauseous during last year’s Lady of Perpetual Failure celebration, at least staying quarantined for the holidays means you can finish up all those fun craft projects that have been blocking access to whatever’s making that burning smell in the basement.

Here’s one I think you’ll like. I call it:

Futile Attempt #973: Easter Diorama

To start, you’ll need some common, everyday household tools. Possibly some of these would work:

tool drawer
Here’s what I ended up using:

diorama tools
Now comes the tricky part, so pick your head up off the counter and pay attention.

Step 1: Carefully detach first peep (part #1A) from other peeps (part #1B, part #1C).

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Step 2: Tie first peep (part #1A) to chocolate cross (part #2). Note: Chocolate cross sold separately. 

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Don’t be afraid to use plenty of tape!

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Step 3: Arrange other peeps (part #1B, part #1C) around some sort of three-dimensional prop, like this bitchin’ race car (part #8A).

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Step 4: Lean everything against a cool background, like this Transformer Pop-Up Activity Place Mat (part #12R). Note: Transformer Pop-Up Activity Place Mat sold separately. I got mine at the dollar store, for 75¢!!

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Your diorama is finished!!!!!!!

peeps diorama 2
Don’t forget to celebrate!!

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Merry Peepster, everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!