It seems that every time you take your head out from under the covers these days someone is “running to end masochism” or “biking for better hygiene” or whatnot, and raking in the cash. Naturally, one begins to think, why not me? Sadly, that doesn’t seem likely, as I have yet to find anyone willing to make me the beneficiary of their “swim around the planet so some whiney bitch can get a facelift and a decent bottle of single malt” fundraiser.
Well guess what? I’m going to start my own damn fundraiser! And give myself my own damn facelift! Here’s how the first part is going to work: Every day for the next YEAR I am going to write an entry in this, my idiot blog. And when it’s all over, the day after tomorrow, I’m going to pay myself a dollar for every day I succeeded in my challenge!! Which adds up to 2 dollars!! That’s enough for a dollar store knife and a pack of bandaids, which means I’m halfway to my goal!
Please join me in this critical endeavor by reading some of my crap, and together we can make our children just a little bit safer from the trauma of being yelled at by an ill-tempered middle-aged woman with a hangover and a really bad turkey neck.
On behalf of me, I thank you.
Note: All proceeds from this challenge over and above the goal will be donated to the liquor store of my choice, in exchange for liquor.