Convincing a meteor to fall on my ex’s house for Valentine’s Day is trickier than it first appears. As you and all those nice people in Siberia have no doubt figured out by now, my coordinates were way the hell off.
No matter. There is much to celebrate.
The frost is on the jack-o’-lantern!
The Christmas tree is in full bloom!
An asteroid might fall on my ex’s house today!
And this could happen!
Perhaps a lovely cocktail will tide you over until then. Here’s one that should do the trick.
The Day After a Meteor Didn’t Fall on My Ex’s House-tini
Hair from cat that vomited on his pillow once
This swizzle stick
- Using telescope, calculate the azimuths of the meteoroidal perihelion axes.
- Using Google Earth, aim them at ex’s house.
- Using boxwine, drink boxwine.
- Wrap swizzle stick in cat hair and place in slug trap he gave you last Valentine’s Day.
- Light on fire and throw at his house. House should explode.
- Go home.
- Finish boxwine.
Another holiday to remember to forget!
But no matter what you don’t remember forgetting, don’t forget to remember that you forgot to do this!! Because clearly I have:
Tomorrow: Completely unnecessary